Review Time! Punctuating Dialog Tags

In addition to being a writer, I'm also an editor. In the last few books I've edited or copyedited, I've noticed that the biggest grammar/punctuation issue newer authors struggle with is how to punctuate dialog tags. I started out thinking of how to write a "how-to" lesson, but then I thought, why learn it from me when you can learn it from some of my favorite authors? So here are snippets of dialog from some of my favorite books. Enjoy.

 Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling:

"You know, I reckon Ron was right about you," Harry told Crookshanks suspiciously. "There are plenty of mice around this place, go and chase them. Go on," he added, nudging Crookshanks down the spiral staircase with his foot, "leave Scabbers alone."

 The bolding is mine. This is a perfect example of how to handle dialog tags in the middle of sentences. Because what comes before the first dialog tag is a complete sentence, there is a period after the tag (after the word suspiciously) and the continuing dialog starts with a capital letter. But the second dialog tag comes smack in the middle of a sentence, so there is a comma after foot, not a period, and the dialog continues with a lower case "leave."

Note that these are not action beats. Although some action is incorporated when Harry gives Crookshanks that gentle kick, the primary verb in the dialog tag is added. In other words, 'he added, nudging Crookshanks down the spiral staircase with his foot' is not a complete sentence. Otherwise we'd get different punctuation, as in this example:

Thud by Terry Pratchett:

Carrot nodded. "You have to understand about a dwarf mine."

If action is used instead of a dialog tag, and the action is a complete sentence, it ends in a period. It's a sentence. Period. Carrot nodded, "You have to understand ..." would be incorrect.

Another example from Thud, where there are more than two people conversing:

"Then get someone else to do it, dear," said Sybil.
"Can I do that?" said Vimes.
"Yes, sir," said Carrot. "You're in charge."

The point here is to use said whenever possible.

Terry Pratchett and J.K. Rowling are British. Stephen King is American, and his use of dialog tags strikes me as very American. Lots of action and very, very few adverbs. Because he writes horror, he also shows a lot of emotion in his dialog tags.

Desperation by Stephen King:

She turned to Ralph and spread her hands. "The obsessive Bible reading was bad enough, but this ... why didn't you tell me about this praying business?"
"Because it looked private." He shrugged, not meeting her eyes. "And it wasn't hurting anybody."

Note that each action beat used to indicate who's speaking is a complete sentence that ends in a period. In the last line, the action comes in the middle of Ralph's speech. Yet each and every sentence, even the first line of his dialog, is a complete sentence that ends in a period. Really, try to avoid shoving an action beat in the middle of a dialog sentence. Action beats are complete sentences, and splicing a complete sentence inside another complete sentence is punctuation anarchy.

So, if you ever want to know more about dialog tags, pick up your favorite novels. Just try not to get lost in them and remember to get back to your own writing.

-- Kate

How *not* to write dialogue

I was watching my favorite soap opera the other day. (Don’t judge me, people!) They were doing this recap show where the characters were sitting around talking about past events. You know like: “Remember when the son you had with the farm lady you married twenty years ago grew up and came to live with you and then accidently killed your unborn baby and tried to drive your current wife crazy?”

Man. I hate these kinds of recaps. They’re annoying. But they are a good example of what NOT to do when you’re writing.

It’s a challenge to give readers the information that they need, but resist the temptation to do it all while your characters are talking. Your characters already know each other (probably) and they already know certain things. Don’t put awkward words in their mouths.

For example: let’s suppose two brothers are on the phone, discussing their father’s sudden illness.

Brother #1: Dad is in bad shape. I think we should catch a flight home.

Brother #2: That’s a good idea. It’ll take five hours to fly from Ohio to Kansas so we should call now and start making reservations.

Brother #1: I guess I’ll have to make arrangements with my ex-wife, Kate, for my kids Michael, Todd and Mary.

Brother #2: And I’ll have to take some time off from my job as a firefighter.

Brother#1: I’ve already called our younger brother, Jack, at Princeton. He’s on his way.

This is an exaggerated example, of course, but Gaaaaaaw! Stilted, soap opera-y dialog. Let’s count the things brothers would already know and therefore wouldn't need to share while having a conversation:

*where they live and how long it’ll take to fly "home"

*that Brother #1 was divorced (from a woman named Kate) and the names of his kids

*What Brother #2 does for a living

*Who Jack is and where he went to school

There are ways to sneak in bits of information using dialogue, though. Let's use revise the same example;

Brother #1: Dad is in bad shape. I think we should catch a flight home.

Brother #2: That’s a good idea. I think Southwest flies direct to KC. [We know where they're heading and that wherever they are, they must fly to get home quickly.]

Brother #1: I'll have to make arrangements with Kate. It's her weekend with the kids. [Suggests Kate and Brother are not together. Let's us know there are kids.]

Brother #2: And I’ll have to take some time off from the station. [Station could be police or fire or something else altogether. But that's okay. We can get more clues later on.]

Brother#1: I’ve called Jack. He’s on his way. [Jack must be important family member or friend.]

I know this example isn't really middle grade or young adult, but hopefully you get the idea. Just something to think about the next time you’re writing dialogue or you need to give readers information.

Sorry. Gotta run. It's time for my favorite soap op.... er, I mean my favorite research show to start.

~Carmella